Letters to you, my love.

Do you ever think about me? Lately I think about you all the time. I wonder what you're doing, what makes you happy, what makes you sad... If you're as tired as me of being alone. Some days I don't even know how to go on not knowing if we will finally cross paths. To be honest, I'm scared that you might be too far away to find you, or too close to recognize you. What if we already met and for some stupid reason we didn't see the big picture? Because you weren't as tall as I pictured you, because I didn't have the supermodel figure that most guys dream about? I don't know. It scares me to my very core, to think that either of us could have overlooked the other because this shallow world might have clouded our vision. But well, against all odds, I still have faith. I trust that someday we will finally meet and we will start a long road full with anecdotes to tell our future kids. Of the time we decided to go camping without any of the two having the proper experience to do so and ended up fighting over the last cookie while soaking wet because we didn't consider the weather as a factor of risk in our trip. Or of the time we started a duel with the next door couple at a wanky hotel for who would have the hottest, loudest sex, and we won (well, maybe this is not an appropriate story to tell our kids). Or of the time we went to my parents cabin to celebrate our second anniversary and in the coziest night, with a full thunderstorm rumbling outside the window, you got down in one knee and ask me to spend the rest of my life with you. And how I laugh cried for about 5 minutes before been able to compose myself and say yes. All of this, the crazy stupid love story, the willingness to fall madly in love with the man that life saved for me, the conviction that we are going to find each other, is what keeps me going. I'm not giving up on you, not yet. I've been waiting 30 years, and I will wait 30 more if I have to. Although I hope I don't have to. Lately, I'm getting this feeling that you're actually close to me. Disguise, distraught. Wandering around and coming to terms with your life choices. Looking for me in the faces of all the girls you come across in a daily basis. Waiting for a sign of the universe. Longing for the same love I deeply crave. For now, let me blow you a kiss and I'll keep dreaming of my head in your chest, of your heartbeat in my ears, of my name in your lips when you kiss my hair, of our fingers intertwined when walking down the street. Of your smile, so sweet that it makes me smile. Of your eyes that brighten up when you look into mine. Of your arms over mine when you hug me from behind. Of all of you, so handsome and so mine.

Twin soul

As usual, it’s late and I can’t sleep. My mind is definitely lost in the thought of you. Of where you are, what you’re doing. If you’re sleeping next to the girl that will make my insecurities and jealousy come up in the future. Or if you’re thinking about me too. Of where I am and what I’m doing. If you’re getting jealous thinking if I’ll be with someone else. I wonder how long will it take for us to meet. People say that good things take longer to come. I’ve been waiting 30 years for you, so I’m guessing you’ll be pretty damn good. For me, at least. I picture you somehow like me: messy hair, definitely in a bun (but if you’re bald, I’ll love you the same), a gentle looking face, with a hint of mean but not too much, clothes that fit comfy even if they’re not as flattering as they could be. I imagine you strong-willed and stubborn, so we will be able to have big debates about life changing events, get mad when we can’t agree on something and then make love to peace out. I also think you’ll be nice, but not a push-over, gentle, but with a strong grip to grab my ass, sexy in ways that other people will not see. You’ll love tv and movies as much as me, so we will cuddle while watching Netflix on the couch, starting movies and letting them halfway because we can’t keep our hands off each other. You’ll have a dirty mind just like mine, but that mind will also be focused on our future together. You’ll be the serious, more grown up part of the relationship and I will be responsible for keeping the fun going. I’ll crack a joke for you when you’re feeling low, and you will drag me out of Forever 21 when we’re walking on the mall and you know that I’m broke as hell. We will definitely be happy together. If we finally get married, our wedding is going to be epic, but not in the sense of spending a whacky amount of money on it, but because it will be something to remember until the end of our days: we’ll get married in a forest (like squirrels do), everybody will be dressing up light and with soft colors. I’ll be barefoot, you’ll be barefoot, and everybody else will be barefoot. The grass will be soft from the dew of the night before. I’ll wear a soft white dress, my hair will be down and flowy and I’ll wear a crown made of white flowers. Nothing overly complicated. You will dress in whatever the fuck you want, because it’s your special day too. Our dogs we’ll be definitely present in the ceremony. We will laugh, we will make our own vows and we will cheer with the people we love, which won’t be many, 25 people tops. Well, maybe a little more. At the end, this is my promise to you: I love you. I have loved you for a while now, and I will love you even more when you come to me. But I need you to come to me. Because I feel my heart ripping apart every day that I’m not with you. I miss you. I need you. Not to be happy, but to share my happiness with you. I love you, and I will love you more than anybody has loved anyone ever. Because I’ve been in love with you since before I was born in this life. Because you are my twin soul, and we have been together since our beginnings in any realm. I love you. Please find me, or let me find you.

Inefable

Vos y tus ojos que me hablan. Que me piden que me quede y aun así me alejan. Vos y tus manos tan mansas. Que me tocan y de repente se arrepienten. Vos y esos labios que se me antojan. Que me invitan a morder y luego me apartan. Vos y ese cabello, luz de la mañana. Que me provoca enredar mis dedos sin ninguna clase de desapego. Todo vos sos inexplicable. Inentendible. Apretujable. Pero mas allá de tu físico, yo quiero acariciar lo que llevas dentro. Tus sueños bajo la almohada, tu forma de decir te quiero. Quiero que sean míos, sin dudas ni desconsuelos. He estado esperando por vos desde mis primeros recuerdos.

The good woman

She's not the kind of person that you're looking for, she knows. Her hair is not red, her nails are not black, she doesn't wear shorts shorts or fishnet tights. She's not the bad girl anymore. She's the good woman. The one that is actually perfect for you. The one that will help you to be a better man. The one that will hold your hand when you feel like crying because the weight of the world is too big for your shoulders. The one that will make you chicken soup when your soul needs it. The one that will make everything better with just a smile. The one you take home, introduce to your parents and eventually marry. The one you want your kids to call mamma one day. But for now, you don't know that. You only see the flaws: the hips wider than the average, the stomach that is not flat enough. You're not even sure if you want to take her to bed because you're afraid she might turn clingy and intense. Her hair is not red. Her eyes are not green. You want waves crashing and cars turning and blood pounding. She looks more like smooth sailing and holding hands while looking at the sunset. But there's something you should know: if you would let her, she will calm your demons down. She will settle the chaos in your heart. She will be life smiling back at you. She will welcome you home.

El hombre que tiene un alma que no puede contenerse en una jaula

No hay evidencia de que existas. No tengo ni una foto a media tinta, ni siquiera tu numero para enviarte un texto de bajas intenciones cuando la noche se apaga pero las ganas se encienden. En mi cabeza tenias un nombre prefabricado. Pero revoloteas en mi mente a diario, horas, minutos, segundos. Pienso como se vera tu cabello en la primera luz de la mañana. Y en como se sentiran tus brazos cuando la noche madura. Nos imagino compartiendo la ducha de las 6:20, el cafe de las 9:15, el almuerzo sin ganas a mediodia y el aglomerado bus de las 4 de la tarde. Nos visualizo paseando los perros, lavando el auto, haciendo las compras y pretendiendo ir al gimnasio. Nos veo a diario discutiendo sobre si la madre en HIMYM era realmente la mujer perfecta para Ted, o hartos de los eternos cliffhangers de The Walking Dead. No me queda la menor duda de que podriamos lograrlo. Pero tienes un alma furtiva, que no se como acomodar en mi horario. No se si tratando de cautivarte puedo mas bien quebrar tus alas y convocar el efecto adverso de lo que deseo para ambos. No se si tus contras son mas pesados que tus pros, y definitivamente no creo que mi corazon este listo para sufrir otra decepcion. Por ahora, te admiro peligrosamente cerca, con estas ganas locas de tomarte entre mis brazos y asegurarte que si nos damos un chance, te voy a hacer el hombre mas feliz del mundo. Porque lo que ruge dentro mio, no es jugando.

Cerrar ciclos

A vos Que te ame con locura a pesar de tus ansias de volar libre. Que nunca me diste razones para amarte tanto. Que estuve ahi cuando mas me necesitabas sin que tuvieras que pedirlo. Que te tendi una mano amiga, compañera, amante y mas. Por vos Yo cruzaba oceanos sin siquiera pensarlo. Estaba dispuesta a cambiar mi forma de ver la vida. Solo para verla de los mismos colores y formas que vos. Yo seguia esperando, a pesar los mensajes ausentes y llamadas en espera. Pero aprendi a volar. Y vole muy lejos y muy alto. Te convertiste es un punto borroso en la vida que solia vivir. Y ahora te desconozco. No extraño tus manos tan faltas de vida. No extraño tus besos, nunca compatibles con los mios. No extraño tu pereza, tu falta de energia, el peso muerto que eras en mi espalda. Hoy soy otra. Ni siquiera me reconocerias. No necesito tu aprobacion ni tu tiempo a medias. Hoy estoy entera, libre y enamorada de esta nueva vida.

Furtivo

De que te hicieron mi vida? No se si de miel, o de escarcha Tu esencia se me hace algo parecido al camino a casa. Te veo y no me lo creo, tan fuera de lo normal y equivoco tan llena de luz tu alma. Quiero sumergir mis manos en eso que en mi desatas Esta urgencia por mirar tus ojos este antojo por tu fragancia. No se de que te hicieron pero no me quedo con las ganas Por alguna razon se posaron mis ojos en tu cara hermosa aquella mañana.