Break me

Please break my heart
It would be easier if I don't have to wait
for you to say the words that will bring my world down
Please kill me once and for all
It gets harder to hang around knowing the upcoming.
I know you don't want to rip my mind apart
But the thing is, babe
we knew we had an expiration date.
And now, it seems like the feared time has coming.
If your heart decides to beat in the darkness,
you know I will become darkness just to beat next to you
But I need you to say the words that will either make me
or break me.

Recipe for a disaster

Sex... Lust... Love?

Throw on some tears and shame.

Take away the pain

and add the recognition of two souls lost in time.

Put on some wrong words that seem to rhyme

Avoid to think of tomorrow and excuses

I hold you like I always knew I would

You crave me like I am your personal drug

I give in the crazy desire that seems to run

through my veins like some magical poison

Both of us bared our souls to receive the

glorious loneliness that comes in the

aftermath of ripping apart the right

and embrace the wrong.

If I had

If I had stayed with the first boy I ever loved, today I would be involved with the funky business of local hamburgers. I would be fat (ter) and I would have entered the exciting world of pastry, to follow the steps of the mother in law.

If I had stayed with the boy who gave me my first kiss, we would be married today because he would have knocked me up in my tender years. We would live crushed between his mom, his sister with her three kids and his loser brother who never grow up to be a thing. To move into my new home would have taken me 5 minutes. Probably by now I would be filling for divorce cause my fucking husband cheated on me and I saw the golden ticket to get the hell out of there.

If I had stayed with my high school big love, we would be still in college, living together in an apartment in the city, coming back home during the weekends to do the laundry and steal groceries from our parents house to survive another week without cutting out on beer. We would had supported each other during our respective vocational crisis and change schools a couple times. We would be happy more or less and my sister in law would have tried already to hook me up with a pair of new boobs.

If I had stayed with my first boyfriend, we wouldn’t be together by now cause his brilliant idea of making me happy would have been to take me to the middle of nowhere and dedicate his life to be a bull rider. I would have run away at the first chance, I love the country side but just in vacation matters. Besides, if he would have written “I lobe you” once more, I might as well would have hit him in the head with a giant pencil.

If I had stayed with the guy I left that boyfriend for, I would have been freakishly happy for a short period of time. Then, we would have crashed and burnt really quick. I would have started fights with one of my best friends, his sister, just because we were sharing a bathroom or whatever other reason. And anyway, I have no patience to deal with a guy whose humor and life philosophy change faster than the weather. And I wouldn’t have been able to keep him as a friend until the day I will die.

If I had stayed with my college boyfriend, today I would be halfway between a hippie and a communist. I would be involved with video production, audio settings, cameras, editing short films or something like that, the kind that doesn’t pay a shit but you have fun doing it. I would always have pot in my purse. We would have watched at least one thousand movies by now.

If I had stayed with the guy who broke my heart the hardest and shattered my idea of love, today I wouldn’t have the strength to wake up in the mornings. He would have left long ago y I wouldn’t have been able to get over it. I would be on my bones, sleepless, disheveled, the shell of a person. I probably wouldn’t even be here.

If I had stayed with the first guy who asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, I would've been incredible happy. We would be living in North Carolina, where I would be working in something related to his job as US Marine. May be by now I would have had a kid, a baby girl of blue eyes and blonde hair that my mom would die for cherish and even would have had my dad giggling. And probably I would be living in a constant fear or getting bad news as he fights for his country in a foreign land.  

If the next guy in my life would have chosen to stay with me, I would've been horrified with myself by now. I would be harrased by the biggest bitch, Karma. And I couldn't have lived with the guilt of taking away something that truly didn't belong to me to begin with.

Now I live alone... Couple of years ago I mended my soul in a trip that got extend longer than what I thought. I found myself, and even when I’m still dealing with the consequences of knowing who I am, the discovery itself makes me smile every morning. I know that I've allowed time to wreck a little bit the things that I achieved, but I'm not willing to be the slave of old torments. I know which ones are my strengths, and which ones my weak points. I know what I want, and I’m building the road to get there.

For now, I have to wait, cause I have decided to stay with myself. My life is in my hands and I have the power to get wherever I want, if I try.

Marine

I never thought that such thing will ever come to me
Such beauty, such sweetness, such soul ready to love
I found him when I wasn't looking for him
or better, he found me and made me bloom
Now, even when time and distance are against us,
I have found hope
And the dreams of castles and happy endings
seem so real and delectable.
I will hold you until dark and light blend in one
I will love you until the end of time
I will be your crying shoulder, your magic wand,
your soul bandaid and your crazy lover.
Because that is what you mean to me.

Small

Small is your soul

and small are the steps you claim.

Small you were born

and small you will stay.

I will observe you from above,

from my throne of greatness up in the air,

where you do not belong

and you will never find a way through it.

Because small you are

and small you will remain.

Para que me recuerdes

Que debo darte para que me recuerdes?
Para que cada mañana nazca en ti mi memoria?
Puedo darte la promesa de la esquina de mi boca
o el sabor inconsiente de una lengua incandescente.
Puedo poner en tus manos mi cintura traviesa
u ofrecerte el interludio de mis pulsaciones.
Porque para recordarte, solo necesito cerrar mis ojos
y abrir la puerta de los deseos mas terrenales.
Porque estas latiendo en mis poros
y asomandote a la ventana de mi alma.
Y el terror de perderme en tus distracciones
me tiene cerrada la garganta.

Delirio

La noche continua esta mañana.

La noche tan perfecta, tan errada.

Tus labios son una promesa

y tus manos un poema al delirio.

Lo que fueras, lo que era.

Lo que somos, infinito.

Lo que seremos, incalculable.

Cuentame al oido una historia

de tiempos que no conozco.

Llevame al cielo, pero en tus brazos.

Esta cama celebra la ignorancia de la tristeza

y se divierte sabiendo que tu rostro me pertenece.